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Field Manual 572b: Fighting Hot When You're in a MOPP

ooc preface: closed faced helmets do not need a filter. Open faced helmets you need to wear the correct gas mask from the chemical warfare plus mod, but you only need 1 filter. You will all still need to MOPP up if we are above condition II. I turned off MOPP punctures so if you get shot don't panic. 

 

LEVEL I: Irritants (a.k.a. “STOP RESISTING”)

“This isn’t so bad, right?”

  • Gear Up: Just slap on a gas mask or face covering. It’s not rocket science, but double-check for leftover crumbs in your face covering.
  • Pro Tip: Don’t panic if your buddy starts sneezing like they’re auditioning for a vacuum commercial. Get some fresh air, and try not to step on them when they pass out mid-sprint.

  • Symptoms:

    • Burning sensation in eyes, nose, and throat.
    • Sudden fits of sneezing, coughing, or sounding like a wheezing accordion.
    • Short-term dizziness or “Whoa, did the ground just move?” moments.

LEVEL II: Asphyxiants (a.k.a. “The Air is Lava”)

“Why does it smell like my childhood?”

  • Gear Up: Gas masks are now mandatory, not optional. If you can smell anything, your mask is on backward. 
  • Pro Tip: Carry extra ATNAA injectors because there’s always that one guy who forgets theirs and looks at you like you’re a vending machine.

  • Symptoms:

    • Chest tightness like you just tried to bench-press a tank.
    • Dizziness, disorientation, and an unshakable feeling of “This was a bad idea.”
    • Unconsciousness, if you ignored the symptoms and tried to “walk it off.”

  • What It Smells Like:

    • Bitter almonds, your drunk Italian uncle, bad candles from the dollar store, and that ominous nothingness right before someone passes out. 

LEVEL III: Nerve Gases (a.k.a. “The Twitchy Tango”)

“Congratulations, you have 4 seconds to live starting 3 seconds ago.”

  • Gear Up: Full MOPP. It’s like wearing a snowsuit in a sauna, but hey, you’re alive!
  • Pro Tip: Your gloves are your new hands. Get comfortable with clumsily dropping grenades and trying to pick them up without pulling a Darwin Award.

  • Symptoms:

    • Uncontrollable twitching, muscle spasms, and general jitteriness like you drank 12 espressos.
    • Excessive salivation (a.k.a. foaming at the mouth).
    • Blurred vision, nausea, and a fun little sensation called “imminent doom.”

  • What It Smells Like:

    • Terrifyingly, usually nothing at all.

LEVEL IV: Blistering Agents (a.k.a. “Death by Thousand Paper Cuts”)

“Pain is temporary. Death is forever. Except here, where pain and death are lovers.”

  • Gear Up: MOPP, but think of it as your new home. Never take it off. Ever. Not even for a scratch. That itch you feel? It’s lying to you. 
  • Pro Tip: Double-check that your suit has no holes. One tiny tear and you’re playing “The Floor is Lava” with your skin.

  • Symptoms:

    • Intense burning pain, followed by the delightful surprise of blisters the size of golf balls.
    • Difficulty breathing (because why stop at just attacking your skin?).
    • Immediate regret and a newfound hatred for whoever authorized chemical warfare.

  • What It Smells Like:

    • A mix of garlic, mustard, and sulfur. Imagine cooking a terrible stir-fry on a grill made entirely of burning tires.

General Tips for Fighting Hot

  1. Hydrate or Die-drate: If you’re not sweating like a waterfall, you’re doing it wrong—or you’re already dehydrated.
  2. Buddy System: Your buddy checks you. You check him. If either of you messes up, at least you’ll die matching.
  3. Be Positive: Sure, you’re roasting alive, but so is the enemy. Find comfort in their misery.
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